Hop to the movies, not!

Recently I went to see the Hop movie with my family. It setup is that Easter Bunny’s son is more interested in drums and music than becoming an Easter Bunny himself when the old man retires. Clearly a family movie suitable for families with school age children, right?

Well, things were funny and cute for the long time. Bunnies were furry, colors were dashing and everything was family friendly. But after arriving to Hollywood E.B. faced the hard reality of life alone, afraid and not sure what to do.

Where does bunny find refuge in Hollywood according to the Universal Studios? In the Playboy mansion, of course. Really? Did Playboy sponsor this movie? Did Universal think it was a good idea? Did Universal accept money from Playboy for this movie?

But you say, kids didn’t get the Playboy connection and what it stands for, so why does it matter? You are probably right about the kids getting the connection. But does it matter? I think it does? What good has Playboy ever done to anyone? How does Playboy help to strengthen the families? Its influence is most likely quite the opposite. Indulging daddies in their selfish fantasies has never produced anything worthwhile, uplifting or good for the family.

Let’s allow our children to grow up in strong families. Let’s do everything we can to promote strong families where mother and father love and respect each other. Let’s allow our kids to be kids.

Mom, You Make Musketeers

During one recent morning, our 6-year-old proudly said to his mom, “Mom, you make musketeers!” We agreed, he was clever, but most of all he was right.

It is great to see how our kids look after each other and how they like each other. Two older ones are inseparable and they can play with and torment each other to no end. Our 5-month-old baby is obviously not fully in the game yet, but it is great to see the adoration and attention his older brothers give to him. Additionally, baby is always ready to show his biggest smile when the brothers are around.

We have Three Musketeers, all for one, one for all. They are very good kids, a ton of work for us as parents, but I wouldn’t change the experience of being their daddy for anything.

 

Wow Mom, nice breast!

Our older kids, who are eight and six, are very excited about their 4-month-old baby brother. They play with him, change diapers and love him endlessly. Sometimes the attention is  a bit too much for the baby, causing him to drop his bottom lip before starting a juicy cry.

One thing the older boys are also interested in is the breastfeeding. They observe and hang around to see how it happens. Additionally, they ask questions and make comments. Today our six-year-old said; Wow Mom, nice breast! It is great to see that our older boys are interested in all the aspects of the baby’s life! They think it is very natural that babies eat from their mommies’ breast and that there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

My wife is a very good, experienced and determined breast feeder. She is not preachy about it, and not judgmental either, if others choose to do it differently. But she is able and willing to give encouragement and guidance to others that are breastfeeding.

In Finland breastfeeding is widely encouraged and it is seen as a very natural part of life. If baby is hungry, you will feed the baby where ever you are. Whether that is at your home, in public transportation, in a restaurant or in a church pew it is the same. Mother lifts up her shirt and plugs the baby in. No extra covers to disturb the important connection between the mom and the baby during the most natural feeding event in the world. I have seen many mothers breastfeeding their babies without covers since I was a small child and it has always been discreet and very dignified.

I get a sense that here in the United States breastfeeding is a little bit more of a back room event. If you are in the public, you need to cover yourself and a baby with a suffocating blanket, at least it looks suffocating to the baby, in my opinion. Preferably, you are supposed to find a mothers room or bathroom and go to a different space all together and still cover up. I am not the most etiquette savvy eater myself, but I wish sometimes that some adults I see eating would cover themselves up while doing it, because it is not pretty.

Breastfeeding provides the mother and her baby the unique opportunity to bond and be together the way no other people can. There are scientific studies about the health benefits that breastfeeding provides to the newborn baby, but I am also certain that loving bond between the mother and the baby formed through breastfeeding has immense emotional benefits as well.

Finally, breast milk comes in such a nice and convenient package, so why would we ever like to make breastfeeding more complicated event than it is?

Ode to Moms

I just read this article (in my native Finnish, but you can probably use Google translator to get the gist) about encouraging mothers to go to work instead of caring for their own children. In Finland, mothers get a high % of their previous salary when raising their kids at home up to 3 years. Fathers can also take this opportunity, but not many of them do. Article argued that this system eventually leads into unemployment of these highly educated women. This might be the case, but it is not because they stay home to care for their children. It is more of a result of rigid labor market that has complete lack of trust between the employers and employees with collective bargaining and strong employer and labor unions.

My wife has stayed at home with our children for the past 9 years. She definitely hasn’t been unemployed, but on the contrary has her hands full of work. This is the case for all, if not most, stay-at-home moms that I know.

My wife is an absolute top performer of her field. If our family was incorporated, she would be the VP of human resources, corporate services, communications and PR, employee relations and many other fields. She probably would be the CEO as well. She is an education specialist, and she has enough medical knowledge to equal many professionals. But most of all, she is dependable, loving and safe person our kids can turn to whenever they need to. Our sons know that she will be there no matter what and that she is available and involved in their lives. She is a constant beacon for our kids that will not be changed when the school year ends or the daycare group changes. In short, our 3 boys are the luckiest kids alive. They have a mother that loves them and cares about them like no one else can.

Requiring kids to do hard things

Recently our dear friend, who also was a grandmother to our kids’ best friends, passed away and yesterday we attended her funeral.

After our 8-year-old heard about our friend’s passing away, he announced that he wouldn’t go to the funeral, because it was too sad. We agreed that we would try to find someone to look after him while we were at the funeral. However, the agreement also included that if we weren’t able to find anyone then he would have to go. And so it happened, we couldn’t find any sitters we normally use that were available Saturday morning.

Once our son learned that he would have to go, he totally freaked out and became irrationally upset. There was mostly nothing we could do to make him feel more secure. We tried everything from holding him to threats of lost privileges, but he wouldn’t calm down. However, to his credit, he dressed up on his own and got ready to go, while crying at the same time. We agreed that he could take some books with him to read and when it was time to go, his crying was down to a small trickle.

He had mostly calmed down when we arrived at the church for the funeral. I could tell though that he was nervous and not liking the situation. However, as he started to pay more attention as the service progressed he realized that, although it is sad that his friends lost a grandmother and that we lost a friend, we were still able to feel joy and peace while remembering the influence this friend had had on our lives.

This experience was definitely hard for our 8-year-old. It was hard as a parent to force him to go, but I now feel that he grew through this experience more than he could have by any other way.

This wasn’t the last time we will have to ask our kids to do hard things. I hope though that I also learned to support them a little bit better through difficult decisions and situations. Talking, understanding and being present are very important things before, during and after the challenging situations. Kids are smart and very capable, they just lack the experiences in life that  help them to cope with new situations. For that they need trusted, caring and loving parents that support them through anything that life throws at them.

Third Son

He was one week late and my wife was growing understandably anxious (and bigger). Luckily there was an end in sight with an inducement already scheduled. But as usual, nature took its own course, appropriately at 4am, during one of the numerous nightly trips to the bathroom; water gushed out and he was finally on his way to meet us.

Since situation didn’t look too intense, I tried “Honey, can I go back to sleep?” The answer was unmistakable “No”. I got up, made up the bed and took a quick shower. At least we had slept for most of the night.

After calling in a friend to look after our older boys, we were on our way to the hospital through quiet suburban roads in sleeping Oregon. Suddenly my wife, in the middle of her contractions, said “nurses and doctors need doughnuts.” I was like, “huh, really?” As you may well know, there is usually no way to reason with a pregnant woman, let alone with one who is in labor. So, there we were standing inside a doughnut shop at 5am ordering a fresh baker’s dozen. (This particular local shop didn’t have a drive-through.) Lady behind the counter was wondering if my wife was OK in the middle of one of her contractions. “I am haviNG A BABY!” told the lady what was happening. She probably thought that we were insane. I paid for the doughnuts and thanked the lady.

We left the shop with a fine collection of freshly baked doughnuts. Contraction. When we arrived at the hospital about 10 minutes later we were put into a delivery room and started to settle in. Contraction.

My wife got into the hospital clothes. Contraction. I put our hospital bag aside. CONTRACTION. We chatted with the nurse who checked out the progress, 5cm. CONTRACTION. Last trip to the bathroom. CONTRACTION. “CAN I GET AN EPIDURAL?” Not me, but my wife. CONTRACTION.

I tried to make my wife feel comfortable by walking her around the room, and trying to be attentive. CONTRACTION. She was doing great. CONTRACTION. Anesthesiologist arrived and prepared her quickly for the epidural. CONTRACTION. Epidural was started and soon I heard “Aahhh” and saw a smile.

Room became pretty peaceful and quiet. We talked a little, my wife rested and I called both sets of grandparents telling them that we will be having the baby soon. Contraction. Thanks to the Skype for free international calling!

The doctor and the midwife came to setup the room. Contraction. They brought in an impressive amount of various instruments and tools normally used in the hospitalized child birth. Doctor checked on the progress, 10cm. My wife had progressed from 5 to 10cm in about an hour without much pain. She was doing super well. It was time to push!

Hospital bed was quickly converted into a delivery bed. Bottom half disappeared somewhere when I didn’t pay attention and was replaced by a couple of leg rests. A huge bag hung from the end of the bed ready to collect body fluids and other byproducts of a child birth. Everything was ready!

I am holding one of the legs and providing any little support a husband can. Contraction. PUSH! Head is showing up and the doctor is feeling it. Head seems to be soft like a sponge. He has hair, maybe even more than I do! Rest and breath. Contraction. PUSH! Swoosh! Our son slides out with good speed into doctor’s hands. He is wrapped up, his nose and mouth are sucked clean and umbilical cord is clipped. I am given  a pair of big scissors and as a dad, I cut the cord. Doctor hands me the baby and I carry him to my wife for her to see and feel.

That was easy! (If a male ever can say that.) Our third son was born! I am now daddying for three.